Posts Tagged ‘Mistake’

Learning from My Mistakes

I have been spending a lot of time in polyamory forums lately and today it was brought to my attention that some of my wording can be negatively misinterpreted.  In many of my posts, some of them on here as well, I tend to use the words “add to” or “brought in” when describing how we intend to begin a new relationship with another woman.  I was not aware that wording like that could be interpreted as we want to “add” this woman to an existing relationship where she would need to change to fit in or she would simply be an addition or accessory to something that isn’t quite good enough.  That really isn’t how I intended for it to sound.

When I would say that I wanted to “add” a woman to our relationship I only meant that my husband and I already have a formed relationship.  I don’t simply want to add a little flavor.  I didn’t see or think about how my wording could be misinterpreted and I am glad that it was pointed out to me.  I don’t simply want to add another person to our relationship, we want to build something new with her.  We are hoping to develop and create a lasting relationship with this woman, not just throw her into our own.

So I suppose I should be saying something more like this:

My husband and I are hoping to find a woman that we can create a lasting relationship with.  We want to take our time and develop something special together.  We want to form a relationship that benefits all of us, not just my husband and I, though honestly, openness, and communication.  We don’t want a hierarchy, though I am finding it is difficult to avoid that with an already married couple, but we are trying to make this relationship fair to all parties.  We want to be just as open with her as we are with each other and we want to give her all the rights and say in the relationship that we have.  We aren’t looking to control and manipulate someone into fitting our needs and then throw her away when it isn’t fun anymore.  We want a lifetime relationship with someone.  We want the good and the bad.  We want to work to make things work.  Like any other relationship.

It was my mistake to say that we wanted to “bring in” a woman or “add” her to our marriage because that isn’t really what I meant.  We want to create something new and beautiful with her.