Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Seeking…

My husband and I have bought a house and with that have decided to start seeking out other relationships and dates.  I have to say it’s a little difficult.   Not only is it weird trying to date again, but it is quite difficult to find people open to a relationship with someone that is already married.

My husband and I have been doing most of our searches online because we aren’t really comfortable doing so in a bar.  Meeting someone that you have chemistry with is hard enough without being married and seeking out socially unacceptable relationships. 

We have talked to a few different women, some even very promising, but when the topic of sex comes up jo one seems to make it any further.  My husband and I are rather kinky.  We practice domestic discipline with light D/s and bdsm.  So…we have some pretty major deal breakers. 

Frustrated, but not giving up.  I am trying to keep the mindset that anyone I am meant to be with will more or less fall in my lap.

Lover girl.  Where are you?

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Progress

Things have been going quite well on the home front. My husband and I have been doing a lot of talking about what we want and what we are looking for in our new relationships. We have also started talking to a few different women just to get the ball rolling. I can’t speak on behalf of my husband, but I can say that I have found some amazing women that I have been conversing with and enjoying every minute.

I have made sure to be completely honest and up front about our situation. I always open with the facts: I am married. I am polyamorous. I am only seeking women. I have a daughter. I am looking for a relationship. I don’t want any confusion, secrets, or anything left in the dark. If someone is going to share a relationship with me they have to know what they are getting into.

It’s been a while since I have had these sort of conversations with people. Getting to know them. Getting a sense for their personality and feelings. It’s different, it’s nice. I have enjoyed getting to know a few women in the last couple of weeks and I am currently talking to 1 that I really feel we might have something going. I always tell people that I want to take things slow. I don’t want to rush. There is a lot I am still discovering about myself, my marriage, my husband, and what I am looking for. I want to get to know someone thoroughly and I want them to know me just as well before we meet and start really progressing as a couple.

I am excited about the future. About what relationships may develop. About the changes my husband and I are going to make with ourselves, our lives, and our relationships. I am excited about this journey and where it will take us.

The Conversation

After my husband got home from work last night I told him we needed to sit down and have a talk.  I explained to him about everything I have read and been told about “Unicorn Hunters” and the unlikely triad.  I mentioned possible scenarios where the triad would fall apart and one or more people would end up hurt.  Then I read him everything that I had been reading and explained in detail about how it made me feel.  It was a lengthy discussion and it started out kind of rough.

His initial response was that he didn’t want to date someone if I wasn’t involved in the relationship and he didn’t want me to date someone without him.  That’s what I was afraid of.  I didn’t get upset.  I didn’t yell, nor did I argue.  I explained to him what was wrong with that mind set and, to my surprise, he understood.  So then he asked me what I proposed we do.

I read everything to him.  Everything that I had received on the forums, my blog, and things I had found online.  I read about the common pitfalls of “Unicorn Hunting” and how triads tend to fail.  I read what other people proposed we do instead.  I read about the few functional triads I had found.  Everything.  Then we talked some more.  We talked about his jealousy and how he felt about everything I was saying and proposing to him.

Through our discussions this is what we came up with:

My husband and I are both comfortable having separate relationships.  My husband is still really stuck on wanting to have a triad, but we aren’t going to force that type of relationship, nor are we going to seek it out.  We have agreed to both date women separately.  He told me he isn’t jealous of other women, but he is jealous of other men.  I have agreed to only date women because that is all I am really looking for right now.  I have a man, why the hell would I need another one?? lol.  But I did tell him that we need to work on his jealousy because one day down the road I may want to explore a relationship with another man and I would want him to be open and comfortable with that possibility.  He agreed to work on it.  I asked my husband how he felt about having a relationship without me and he said he didn’t feel too comfortable with it, but he was open to trying.  He also said that he was completely fine with me having other relationships with women even if he later decided not to date anyone else.  He isn’t very tech savvy and has concerns about meeting women and I offered to help him out as much as I could.

I feel a lot better after having talked with my husband.  I shouldn’t have jumped to the conclusion that he was going to be against the whole idea and that was going to be the end of all of this.  We definitely still have a lot more talking to do, I fell like I overwhelmed him last night so I want to make sure he is still on board with everything.  I know he still wants a triad and has his heart set on finding one.  I hope we find one too, but I want it to develop naturally.  I feel like we are making more moves in the right direction and I hope that soon we can start exploring other relationships.